25 July 2011

today--
at 1am i emailed my boss and said i could no longer work. i then went to sleep. i didn't wake up fully until 130pm and i could barely move i was so stiff. realized something was wrong, called my psychiatrist for appt. called my mom to tell her, somehow started talking about pets which rekindled my desire to care for a hedgehog. finally got myself up and dressed, gathered computer to go to coffee shop. psychiatrist calls and says she can see me. i head to the subway instead of the coffee shop. get to her office, talk to her about aches and pains in my joints/body and tell her im so tired and disinterested in everything and i think something is seriously wrong. i tell her the dosage i've been taking of this one med she prescribed me and she gets very nervous - tells me it is much too high, much too rapidly. i start feeling freaked out, i can see her hands start shaking. i ask if i should go to emergency as ive been taking that dosage for 3-4 weeks. she says yes, probably. gets my dr on the phone, he says to come over straight away. leave her office in a semi-panic bc i am feeling so worn out/shitty and walk 6 blocks to my drs office. wait there for awhile. get my blood drawn, dr tells me not to worry that the blood tests will sort it out. i leave the office. begin walking around manhattan in a daze. it is pouring rain. i walk for a long time, alone. i feel like i am going to die and it is an odd sensation. i pass a chipotle and eat a salad. i leave and continue walking. for some reason i go into manhattan mall bc i walk past it and go to victorias secret. i bought some stuff, actually. went home, bought frozen yogurt on the way. curled up on my bed when i got home under my blankets with my ice cream and watched a movie. i am extremely sore and achy and fairly concerned as i can't do anything productive like sit up and edit photos. going to try and go for a walk now..... why is almost everything so confusing lately?