/ excited to get some polish love! (i am 50% polish) :)

// the mind & body must be clear in order to work.

i am slowly remembering my teachings

seems i have not been heeding my own advice.

i am slowly getting my self back on track.

the mind & body must be clear in order to work//

/ i approve of this description of me from this article HERE

thanks dudes at wicked-halo i appreciate the love

/ my beautiful cousin jessie and i taking a brief hiatus from my little brothers grad party to document the occasion, 3 july 2011 webster ny

been sleeping an awful lot the past few days. conclusion - you start living through dreams when you are asleep for long periods. strange how vivid, odd and life-like things that happen seem. also noticed that i retain a lot more details upon waking after i've slept for a long time. i find sleeping an excessive amount can actually be quite healthy if you are in the right mindset and need some type of boost. seems to have helped me out a bit

/ caleb sheldon at his house, syracuse ny 2009

/ justin dillard visits manhattan, december 2010

today i found out i am anemic. hence why i am always so exhausted which in turn makes me sad because i can't concentrate/sit up long enough to do any work most of the time

just returned home from a solitary late night study session at the diner down the road. took a few of my new reference books that i haven't really looked through there and began reading/recording thoughts. i am happy to say i now have a couple directions to head in.. feeling better/more ambitious about my future work for the first time in a long time

/ new piece, pass it on

/ manhattan-bound montrose L stop platform in brooklyn ny, 2010

believe it or not i got some dirty looks for taking this picture

today--

at 1am i emailed my boss and said i could no longer work. i then went to sleep. i didn't wake up fully until 130pm and i could barely move i was so stiff. realized something was wrong, called my psychiatrist for appt. called my mom to tell her, somehow started talking about pets which rekindled my desire to care for a hedgehog. finally got myself up and dressed, gathered computer to go to coffee shop. psychiatrist calls and says she can see me. i head to the subway instead of the coffee shop. get to her office, talk to her about aches and pains in my joints/body and tell her im so tired and disinterested in everything and i think something is seriously wrong. i tell her the dosage i've been taking of this one med she prescribed me and she gets very nervous - tells me it is much too high, much too rapidly. i start feeling freaked out, i can see her hands start shaking. i ask if i should go to emergency as ive been taking that dosage for 3-4 weeks. she says yes, probably. gets my dr on the phone, he says to come over straight away. leave her office in a semi-panic bc i am feeling so worn out/shitty and walk 6 blocks to my drs office. wait there for awhile. get my blood drawn, dr tells me not to worry that the blood tests will sort it out. i leave the office. begin walking around manhattan in a daze. it is pouring rain. i walk for a long time, alone. i feel like i am going to die and it is an odd sensation. i pass a chipotle and eat a salad. i leave and continue walking. for some reason i go into manhattan mall bc i walk past it and go to victorias secret. i bought some stuff, actually. went home, bought frozen yogurt on the way. curled up on my bed when i got home under my blankets with my ice cream and watched a movie. i am extremely sore and achy and fairly concerned as i can't do anything productive like sit up and edit photos. going to try and go for a walk now..... why is almost everything so confusing lately?

/ thank you GoSee creative news services

/ your cigarette in my incense tray at my apt in brooklyn after you went home, june 2011

i document everything in one way or another for more reasons than i can explain w/ words

/ very honored to have had one of my images selected for publication in 'a book of beds' put together by international photography publication FOAM magazine which is published quarterly by Foam Fotografiemuseum Amsterdam and Vandejong. the image they selected, pictured above, is from my iconoclast series and is a photograph of my parents bed in rochester ny. read more about the book at FOAM's website HERE

this is my thousandth post.

'i don't believe in the other world

but i don't believe in this world either

if it's not penetrated by light

i believe in the body of a woman

hit by a car on the street

i believe in bodies

stopped in a rush

in mid-gesture in reaching out

as if something long awaited

was just about to happen

as if in a minute

meaning was to raise up

its index finger

i believe in the blind eye

in the deaf ear

in the lame leg

in the wrinkle on the forehead

in the red flush on a cheek

i believe in bodies lying

in the trust of sleep

in the patience of old age

in the frailty of the unborn

i believe in a hair of the dead

left on a brown beret

...

i don't believe in this world

empty

like a railway station in the morning

when all the trains have left

for the other world

the world is one

especially when it wakes up covered in

dew

and god walks among the bushes

of animal and human dreams'

/ passage from 'the other world' by anna kamienska, polish poet/writer

/ baby, baby you are the most beautiful....

"What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction."

/ chuck palahniuk, writer

/ Fernande with a Black Mantilla (Fernande à la mantille noire), Picasso, Paris, 1905–06

one of my favourite paintings of all time. went to see it at the guggenheim yesterday.

/ the virgin mary relaxs in a chair at a thrift store in williamsburg, new york may 2011

new edition to my iconoclast series

/ thank you to webdesigner depot for a write-up on my work. you can view the post HERE

/ today is not a good day. everything feels hard and forced and i do not feel satisfied or happy or content in the slightest. i feel like i am crawling out of my skin and i feel alone. everything seems big and empty and i feel very sad and like i could cry at any moment. i do not like this overwhelming sensation that i am growing used to more and more rapidly. i need to get out..

/ jessica & jamie, webster ny 3 july 2011

/ i was very fortunate to be interviewed recently by katja kemnitz, an editor at kwerfeldein.de, germany's largest online photography magazine. the interview can be viewed HERE